Telling the Truth

Telling the truth can suck at times. Who wants to be the bearer of bad news? No one! That means little lies are okay, right? I mean, let’s not give all the bad details. I am a liar at times. Sometimes it’s not on purpose; I just got the facts wrong. But sometimes it’s on purpose because I don’t want to hurt anyone or deal with questions and a long dialogue. Do you ever feel this way? Do you ever feel like “It is just a small lie, no big deal”?

Not Telling the Truth Is Draining

Here is the big deal: most of the time, people can get hurt. In my experience with my own lies, I was the one suffering the most. Our secrets and lies keep us sick. Our energy will be off, and the people around us will feel it. Trying to keep track of the lies and the timeline takes work. Let’s face it—the truth always reveals itself in the end anyway. I have been sneaky and dishonest before, but I am at a place now where I don’t want to go through the effort of trying to keep up with all of that. Not telling the truth is draining.

During my year of healing, I wrote down all the lies or untruths in my life, which were incredibly hard to look at. In some instances, I had to go back to others and admit I was wrong. Telling my beautiful friends this was not easy. It was brutal. I took a deep look at my marriage and the lies I told during those fourteen years. I was not fully honest, nor was I fully committed. Not because I did not love my “wasbund”—I did! I was hurting him and his energy with my dishonest actions. It took me a long time to forgive myself.

Telling The Truth-Debsden

Telling the Truth to Yourself First

The goal should be to write everything down that is a lie or a secret, then see if and how it hurt anyone. This is where healing begins. The first step is to look at our own lies, manipulations, and secrets. You may be reading this and going, “Ugh!” I had the exact same response. I didn’t even want to admit there was a problem!

Some lies you will have to fix and be apologetic for. Others you will have to journal about and learn to forgive yourself. Unfortunately, I am not in communication with my wasbund, so I cannot tell him in person my admission to the lies in our marriage—the real apology where I stayed on my side of the street and focused only on my own wrongdoings. I did it anyway in several ways:

  1. I wrote him a letter and told him every wrongdoing I did in our marriage. When I did this, I then had a dream about him in which we had a beautiful conversation.
  2. I went to a place called Onsite and spent a week working on this trauma from my marriage. While there, I did an exercise where I apologized to him as well.
  3. I attended a Tony Robbins seminar in 2017 with my son, and we both had breakthroughs and healing moments of forgiveness.
  4. I ask in prayers every morning that he has a beautiful life. I say the Ho’oponopono Mantra prayer to him.
  5. Anytime I feel the need to take something back or I have a negative thought, I reread the letter I wrote to him.
  6. I continue to work on myself and my healing journey because that is a universal message. He feels it, as do my kids.
  7. I forgave myself and went on a self-love journey to examine why I felt the need to lie and have secrets.
  8. I meditate and send him and his family love.
  9. I made a promise to myself in 2017 I would not say another bad word about his part ever again. I would focus only on my part.
  10. I put my hands on my heart and thank my lucky stars for the three amazing, beautiful gifts he gave me and shared with me.

Many gifts come from doing this work. It is magical. We all are doing the best with what we have. My toolbox was weak thirty years ago, but now it keeps growing.

Telling The Truth-Debsden

Expect the Unexpected

At some point, you’re guaranteed to experience a setback or obstacle on your journey. You do all this great work, and boom—something unexpected happens. I experienced this recently. After having spent this last year doing my program and healing deeply, boom, I get an out-of-the-blue message from an ex who wanted to see me. But a web of lies was attached to this meeting, and because I have done this work, I sensed the nonsense all over again.

That energy is powerful, and unless you do the work, you will get plowed over by it. I felt the bad-news energy the minute I arrived, hitting me like a ton of bricks. So I left. Nothing had changed on his side; if anything, it may have gotten worse. The bottom line in this scenario is do the work! These steps are not easy, but give yourself no less than ninety days of healing your side.

Telling the Truth to Free Yourself

Look at your part, reflect, and get organized in your healing. It will prepare you when the nonsense comes back or someone who doesn’t care and is reckless tries to come into your space. In my experience, I have found that some people enjoy drama and chaos. It keeps them “high” or engaged. I might have been one of those people at one time in my life, but through this healing journey, I am completely opposite now. I have started telling the truth and removing drama and anyone who wants to create it.

Life is too magical. This world holds too much beauty to create negativity, and we never know when this bus is going to stop. I have hopes my bus stops at a place where I have left nothing unsaid and no one would feel bad from my actions. That means I have work to do! Telling the truth will set you free and start the healing process.

My prayer is you stay on the journey!

Deborah Driggs

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