Healing has no destination. There is no set amount of time necessary to heal. We all heal differently and at different paces. We cannot put a time limit on our emotional life. Healing is an individual experience. For some people, losing a loved one could take a lifetime to truly get over. For others, healing from trauma could be a daily practice. No one has an internal clock that says, “Okay, time’s up. Move on and get over it!”
Healing Can Mean Crying
My mom was born in England, and my grandmother was British; they would say, “Keep a stiff upper lip.” I never saw my grandmother cry, nor did anyone else in my family. I, however, get emotional watching commercials or listening to meditation music, so as you can imagine, I was the black sheep in my family. I vividly remember the adults in my family mocking and criticizing me for being too sensitive.
I heard “Don’t be a baby” a lot growing up too. What does that even mean? Babies cry, yes, but so do adults. As a matter of fact, they cry all the time! Laughing is extraordinary for releasing positive-acting hormones into our system, but crying also has a similar but adjacent releasing effect. If you grew up like I did where crying was looked upon as weak, then you understand what I am talking about. We never got to release our built-up feelings. I don’t know about you, but sometimes I put on a movie that I know will make me cry. Shedding those tears feels good! How bizarre it is that a generation of people looked at crying as a weakness and held all those emotions in!
Your Nerves Need Healing Time
I was so disconnected as a child that when people cried, I would actually laugh. It wasn’t that I thought anything was particularly funny. I laughed because that is what my nervous system wanted to do. It would disconnect me from those uncomfortable feelings and cause me to laugh. The laughter was an insecure response. If I faced something incredibly uncomfortable, my nervous system would kick in, and I would have wildly different emotions than what I was actually feeling. Laughing became a way to disconnect.
To this day I get uncomfortable when someone is crying. I am not sure how to handle those emotions since I had no tools or examples growing up on how to do that. Now I will just say, “I see that you’re sad.” I recognize and use words to describe instead of trying to avoid. I find how our nervous systems work and how they get trained in childhood to be fascinating.
In the movie As Good as It Gets, one scene that takes place in a car reminds me of this situation. The character Melvin Udall, played by Jack Nicholson, talks about the disparity between people’s stories and experiences. As he points out, some people have an easy life full of big and small enjoyable moments, but many others have stories filled with trauma and injustice. And sometimes it’s hard for those latter people to not be angry at the former for their luck.
Sometimes I feel like I am in that car with three people who have their own stories, traumas, disabilities, regrets, shame, addictions, fears of being vulnerable, and worse, fears of letting people know they have suffered. If you read my blog post “Quietly Suffering,” this goes hand in hand with that theme. That scene in the movie stood out to me. The writing was brilliant, and I felt like I was in the car having that emotional experience.
A Mentor’s Role in Your Healing Time
Healing can take years and practice. I know I have to be consistent in certain areas of my life. I have to keep growing and learning, and most importantly, I need to be aware and not disconnect. For years I disconnected. When I was in my two-year acting class at Baron Brown Studio studying the Meisner technique, it became clear to me just how disconnected I was. I was not aligned with my true emotional self. But that training opened me up and helped me realize that I had disconnected behavior. I was covering up.
I tell people they should learn the Meisner technique even if they aren’t trying to become an actor. Studying this technique helps people get in touch with their emotional lives. A lot of healing took place for me in those two years. I couldn’t hide my inner self, and my emotions were on display.
During that course, a teacher noticed that I had something going on, which hadn’t happened since I ice skated when I was younger. Joanne Baron, my instructor, actually sat down with me during the first year and said, “There is something going on with you, something with men?” I immediately shut down and panicked—she saw right through me! And she was correct; I had a huge fear of men at the time. And for the first time a mentor saw it!
We never know where these realizations are going to come from or when the masters will appear. Today my healing time is about consistency and awareness. Those two years started my journey of therapy, self-help, and holistic wellness. Who knew? It might just be one of the gifts that saved my emotional life.
Give Yourself Healing Time
Make sure you have reserves and the tools you need to survive. Always be prepared! We cannot drive a car around with the red light flashing TUNE-UP NEEDED, so why do we drive our bodies around in pain or sadness? We need to pop the hood and see what needs to be looked at. Our insides need emotional healing time and rejuvenation to function properly. Sadly, some of us never look under the hood until it’s too late.
Let your body heal. I keep mentioning my ninety-day program in my blog posts because this program focuses on healing. It’s a combination of everything that has helped me in the past fifty-eight years—all the books, coaches, mentors, friends, documentaries, articles, and rehabs that led me to create my ninety-day program. If you want to take ninety days to kick-start your healing, then sign up for my newsletter and join me on this journey!
We are here to love and fill our hearts with the light and abundance all around us. I truly believe that. We have abundance. We are here to serve and help! I am here to serve you!
Let the healing time begin today!
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