Everyone has a belief system. Beliefs can come between people in relationships and even limit our own potential in a big way.
Two Different Belief Systems
I experienced this difference in belief systems recently while I was having a conversation with someone I respect. They told me they took the grille off their Mercedes because it was too “pretentious” or “ostentatious.”
This is a perfect example of how two people can have opposite belief systems. This person wanted to drive a luxury car and was proud of the fact they ordered it in a special color. They even showed me the interior and other details. But they essentially believed that even though they bought this car, they do not deserve such luxury. And if they simply remove the grille and emblem, they will feel better about driving the car.
My belief is that I work hard, and I will drive whatever car I want to drive and feel proud while driving it. It would never enter my mind to remove anything from it. Two people with two different beliefs. I found myself getting triggered by this conversation, which then reminded me that my opinion is just my belief.
No one is right or wrong in these situations. The people just have two drastically different beliefs. I could not wrap my head around my friend’s logic, but for this person, it made perfect sense! You can see, however, how something like this can be a turnoff in a relationship. I realized that my beliefs and what I am driven by are important when choosing a mate to go through life with. If I had been dating this person, things could go wrong between us since we have opposite beliefs.
Finding People with Similar Belief Systems
Belief systems are set in place through our environments, our parents, our friends, and sometimes the news. All of these can affect what we believe to be true or right or wrong. Then we can believe so intently in what we are doing or saying that we don’t take a step back to reevaluate.
When I was growing up, my family had a lot of wild beliefs. Thankfully I did not adopt all of them. For example, when I was a kid, if I sneezed, I was rushed to the doctor’s office and given antibiotics immediately. I now understand that it was a different time and my parents were incredibly young. I’m also guessing that they were nervous about raising a child.
My family often talked about doctors and prescriptions since I was a sickly kid. I even wanted to be a doctor and had lots of medical toys so I could take care of my dolls. I was fascinated with the doctor’s office. As I got older, these beliefs shifted in a huge way. I no longer wanted to rush to the doctor every time I got sick. I became obsessed with holistic medicine and read as many books on the subject as I could get my hands on.
When I decided to have a baby, this obsession grew. I educated myself on all the procedures, necessary or otherwise, done to babies in hospitals. I also interviewed several pediatricians before choosing the one most aligned with my beliefs. I am happy to say, I had three great pregnancies. My kids, now in their mid- to late twenties, are healthy and never had any of the extra precautionary procedures often done at hospitals.
I am not against these practices per se; I just felt many of them were outdated. We can find doctors and other people who match our beliefs.
Sometimes in relationships, we struggle, get frustrated, or argue with our partners. These moments often occur because two people have very different beliefs. Just as I interviewed doctors for my babies, I will “interview” a future partner to see if our beliefs line up.
It is so important to take the time to get to know someone and what drives them, especially early on. Differing belief systems are like oil and water—they do not mix.
Investigating Your Belief Systems
What is something you believe to be true but is not serving you? Your belief might be outdated and not true anymore. I suggest taking another look at it. A deep dive into what is driving you and preventing you from having the life you truly want can help you regain focus and clarity.
Get out your journal or notebook and write down the first three beliefs that come to you. Are they serving you? Are they outdated? When our belief systems feel so strong to us, questioning these attachments can lead to anger and even resentment. Let’s avoid that at all costs. We are living in a world where everything is moving fast on a daily basis. Just as technology gets outdated, so do beliefs.
If you strongly believe in something, that might be the first belief that must change. On a more profound note, the universe responds to our beliefs. You keep getting what you believe to be true. Align with what you want, not what you believe. To change your story, change your life.
The Ego and Belief Systems
Beliefs also align with ego. Recently I found myself having strong convictions about COVID-19 and related topics. Then I used my own recommendation: if I have big, strong beliefs, I need to investigate them and remove any that are outdated or not serving me. So I asked myself, “Is this belief really true?” The answers I got were amazing: 90 percent of the time, the answer was no, it is not really true.
When I am deep in my ego and think my belief is correct, it takes me away from what I truly believe, which is that no one has all the answers. I go back to more learning and growth. I return to being open and understanding. Many of our beliefs—maybe half of them—are fear-based anyway! Change the beliefs and lose the fear. Do not get set in your ways. It might be preventing you from getting what you most want.
Use this process the next time you go on a date or spend time with people. Learn about their beliefs to see if theirs align with yours. If they feel aligned, you will know. The couples I see with the most success have similar belief systems.
I do a cold plunge whenever I get the chance. I think for me it is one of the best ways to get my circulation moving and flowing. I was at a friend’s house, and the pool was covered. I told them I wanted to jump in. “You’re crazy!” they replied. I think they even said, “You will stop your heart!” Two vastly different beliefs!
Look at the examples in your life. See where this issue pops up in your relationships. Remember these key questions:
- What’s the basis of your belief?
- Is it true?
- What is your experience with it?
- Why do you feel that way?
And remember: belief systems can be outdated, so upgrade them!
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