Honeymoon Phase

Most relationships start out hot. The chemistry is there, and everything feels amazing in the beginning. People call this the honeymoon phase: for the first one to three months, everything is amazing. During the next three to six months, the feminine energy within the couple starts wondering, “Where is this going?” Then in months six through nine, the relationship begins to fade. The feminine energy becomes focused on time. Thoughts like “It’s been nine months, where is the ring?” start to crop up. While this doesn’t happen in every relationship, this pattern emerges frequently.

Honeymoon Phase Deb's Den

Avoiding Honeymoon Burnout

To avoid this fate, you need to do one thing before the hot sex and chemistry take over: explore each other. For the first one to three months, try to refrain from being too intimate and instead use this time to explore the other person from the neck up! I have found that at the nine-month mark, the honeymoon begins to dwindle. Want the good news? It’s supposed to! The honeymoon is not meant to last forever, but you do have forever to practice. See the difference?

Here is the deal: the honeymoon phase doesn’t even come close to the next phase. The next phase involves co-creating and committing to do the work. All relationships are work, so before you pack up your bags and move to the next hot nine months with someone else, stop! Ask yourself, Is this the person you want to walk through fire with? And then look for a definitive answer—not “Well . . .” Look for the yes!

Relationships that start off hot with lots of chemistry and no exploring fade out. To explore, find out more about each other: do you have similar interests, do you think of money in the same way, do you like to have adventures and travel, do you want kids, how do you see yourself raising the kids, are you religious, what does your spirituality look like? Exploring takes a good one to three months because whomever you end up with, you really want to enjoy your partner’s company, conversation skills, and ideas. Maybe something he or she does might get on your nerves. Before things get hot and heavy, get to know each other so you can see if this person is someone you might want to have around longer than nine months.

Define The Journey

Some of you might just be looking for friends with benefits at the moment and you’re not looking for anything serious. I encourage you to be honest about that. Make sure the person knows ahead of time before he or she starts bonding with you. If you take a partner on a trip for more than a weekend getaway, you are most likely in a relationship. In the beginning, keep it to weekend getaways and vocalize that you are not ready to be serious. Women need to be vocal about this. When you start having the relationship conversations, the honeymoon is over, and both men and women can pull back at this point.

It can take many years to work through all the childhood issues, so when you do meet someone who has your back and you trust, then at nine months let the work begin! Do not throw in the towel so easily. I think most people know if they want to be in a relationship or not. I think we are tested right around the six- or nine-month mark because the universe wants you to be with your soulmate. We can feel this push and pull. Sometimes women test men subconsciously; some want to know their partner will fight for their honor. Others want to know they can be free with their feminine energy and not hold back.

If we do not make it through the power struggle phase and the relationship ends, then take the time to heal that energy before jumping in with another soul. That energy is in your body and your space. I know after my divorce I struggled with the idea of taking down all the photos with my ex and the kids. I worried about how that would look. I ended up leaving the ones with him and the kids but took down anything that had just the two of us. I had to let go of that energy.

For the couples who stay in the game and realize, “We got this, we have each other’s backs,” and feel beyond grateful to have found this person, they get the connection has nothing else to do but get deeper. This relationship only gets better with time!

Honeymoon Phase Deb's Den

Love Ourselves And Our Partner

Remember, new love can be exciting. The nine-month mark will hit everyone. The most loving thing we can do with another human that we want to connect with is to be truthful and honest about what we need. If you are looking to go deep and find the person you want to go to any lengths with, then you must give yourself ninety days. During that time, clear your energy and space, spend time alone, gather your thoughts, write about what your past relationships have brought up for you, and love yourself. This is the best investment you can give yourself.

When this work is done fully, the relationship evolves into something truly magical, beyond what could have been imagined in the first nine months. The most beautiful relationships are the ones when the partners walk through the fire together. Partners need to put in the work, grow together, and offer each other complete devotion. They will go to the depths of any situation and will work through it together. Nothing gets in the way of this power couple. Here is to love!

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