Love Hurts, Love Stinks

“Love Hurts” and “Love Stinks,” and I have proof. Yep, those are titles of songs by Nazareth and the J. Geils Band. The inspiration for this post did not come from a journal entry but from watching The Wedding Singer. Please do not judge me! Yes, every once in a while, I indulge in an Adam Sandler movie. I am not sure why I was called to watch this movie. Maybe because the brilliant soundtrack and Boy George look-alike bring me back to the ’80s. I graduated in 1982, and this movie accurately depicts what was going on then, especially the music.

I know, I know: Adam is not that funny, but when he sang “Love Stinks” as a wedding singer, I lost it and had to write about it. It inspired me to write a funny post about love hurting and love stinking. I had never thought too much about that scene before, but for some reason, it had me laughing hysterically this time, probably because I write about relationships a lot.

While doing a bit of research, I decided to read the lyrics for both songs, which made me laugh even harder. Something occurred to me: we really do blame love when we get hurt. But love is beautiful. Even when it hurts, it is beautiful. Love constantly reminds us we have feelings, and we get to experience all of them. Even the ones that hurt. I have had my fair share of hurts, and I have caused hurt for others.

Here is the bottom line: we have zero control over what others do. Adam Sandler’s character waits for his bride to walk down the aisle, and she never shows up. Yes, in that moment, love stinks. This silly movie has something to teach all of us, and I believe this is why I found it beyond hilarious. The wedding singer ends up with his best friend, his soul mate—an opportunity he nearly missed.

The Hurt Will Pass

Why do fools rush in? Remember the scene in Elf when Buddy runs into his father’s office professing that he was in love after one date? I believe in love at first sight. I have not experienced it yet, but I believe it exists. We cannot avoid the hurt and pain that comes when a relationship ends. But the hurt will pass. Hurt is a reminder that something exciting is around the corner and that it is never too late to find love.

Do not get bitter over a breakup. Let the dust settle, and know that if it is meant to be, it will be. The absolute best thing you can do—and it is going to be really, really hard—is send your ex-partners love every day and wish them lots of love and happiness. Being bitter and angry causes way too much stress and sadness. Love unconditionally no matter what. Bitterness pushes people away and attracts more bitterness. Do the absolute opposite of what you are feeling—it really works!

Relationships are so fascinating and exciting—and, yes, hurtful at times. If I asked you right now to think about your first breakup and how you felt, you would barely remember. Let’s try it. Think back to a time when you were heartbroken, and ask yourself how you feel about it now. I can hardly remember how I felt, and in one case, I am embarrassed about how much I cared. Nothing is really over. I am actually friends—not close but in touch with—most of the men I have had a relationship with. One of my relationships ended badly, but we later became friends and realized neither of us had been in our right mind.

Love Stinks—but I Can Help

When you are in “Love Stinks” mode, hit pause. Remember a time when you went through a breakup, consider how you feel about it now, and know this too shall pass. I bet you know, on a deeper level, that the relationship was not right for you. Most of the people I coach come to me because of relationship issues. They want a magic pill or something to make the pain go away. But there is no magic or quick fix. If you really want to heal, move on, and stop repeating the patterns, try my ninety-day relationship detox. I guarantee that after those ninety days, you will definitely date differently. You will be clear on what it is you want and whom you have to become to get what you want. We are magnets that attract what we project.

If you are sitting in heartache while you are reading this, book a complimentary thirty-minute call with me, and I will give you strategies that will leave you feeling better and optimistic. Do not sit in those yucky feelings! Anything can happen, even love at first sight—you just have to believe.

Love at First Sight

I take it back: I have experienced love at first sight, just not in a romantic way. I experienced it three times, when each of my kids was born. That was love at first sight.

See? We can reframe anything in our lives and find something true and real. I just did while writing this post. I thought, Wait a second. Is that true? Have I not felt love at first sight? Then my brain gave me the most beautiful answer: my beautiful babies! Yes, yes, yes, that’s right! (It just got very real for me in this paragraph because I coached myself while writing.)

Now I must ask this question: What was your love at first sight? Take time today to write about it in detail. Wow, that might be my next post: “Love at First Sight.”

“Love Hurts” at times, and “Love Stinks” at times, but those times are fleeting moments in the bigger scheme of things.

Now smile!

Deborah Driggs

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