Mr. Fascinating

Mr. Fascinating is what I call the serial dater. These people absolutely fascinate me mainly because I am curious how they keep up with all the lies. Pathological liars are some of the worst people. They are usually charming, which it makes it even harder to see the lies. They are incredibly convincing, and you want to believe them or give them the benefit of the doubt.

My Run-In with a Mr. Fascinating

I recently started dating again. If you have been following my blog, you know I took almost a year off from dating and instead worked on myself. When you do this kind of work, you become better at not buying into bullshit. That’s where I was when I ran into the latest in a long line of Mr. Fascinatings. On New Year’s Eve, I had a beautiful lunch with my girlfriends. We met lots of people and had a fun holiday meal at the famous Polo Lounge.

I met a gentleman who seemed kind. After I finished my lunch, as I waited for the valet, he was there as well. He came over and asked for my info. A few days later, he reached out and asked me to lunch. We had a nice time. A couple of weeks later we met for dinner. At dinner, I started to find this person attractive and charming, and we had a very nice time.

My first questions on dates these days are “Are you divorced?” and “Are you available?” I like to find out right away what I am dealing with. He seemed available. But I’m sharing this story for a reason. If you never do any work on yourself and you keep making the same mistakes and repeating the same patterns, you get the same results. Because I am in a different headspace these days, I listened to my gut. I told this man that my gut was telling me he was preoccupied with someone else. He assured me that was not true and his work was all he was preoccupied with, so I decided to go on another date with him and see how it goes. Guess what—I never made it to that next date because the woman he was in a relationship with reached out to me.

Listen to Your Gut, Not Mr. Fascinating

Mr. Fascinating was an incredibly good convincer. He convinced me that ever since he met me on New Year’s Eve, I was all he thought about. My gut saw red flags all over the place. Why? Because I have done the work. I felt bad for this woman. She reached out to me because we ran in similar circles. We are not good friends but acquaintances. I felt her pain of being misled by Mr. Fascinating. I asked her if she had seen any signs early on. If you look out for them, the signs are usually there. We choose to look away and hope for the best. That does not work.

I ended up doing a coaching session with her, offering a few suggestions of how to clear this energy. Of course, she was upset and called him certain names I do not need to repeat. I immediately said, “Do not put that energy out there!” Why? Because the Universe will give you another Mr. Fascinating.

In these situations, give yourself ninety days to not date. Work on yourself, and make sure you clear out this negative energy that is in your body.

As for me, I had two dates, so no harm was done. One of my nonnegotiables is lying. I would rather a man tell me, “Yes, I am dating several women, I am not sure what I want.” Instead, I got the lie, so I will clear out that energy. Even two dates can have an impact. Thoughts will go through my head, such as “Here we go again, another liar!” I have to stop that pattern and switch out the language to “Thank you, Universe, for again showing me what I do not want.” I know my honest man is out there somewhere, and I am willing to wait for that person.

How to Avoid Mr. Fascinating

Relationships are so complicated when you are forced to deal with all these lies but haven’t yet done the work on yourself. Mr. Fascinating could use a ninety-day reboot. Some men are so addicted to lying and deceiving women that they forget the whole situation is delicate. My heart out goes to this woman who reached out to me. She had been dating Mr. Fascinating for almost two years. That’s heartbreaking.

When dating, go slow and get to know someone from the neck up. Establish a friendship. Let the chemistry build. In thirty days, you will have a clear idea of what you are dealing with. My gut was absolutely right about this situation. Mr. Fascinating never picked up the phone to even say, “I am sorry!” A decent human would at least apologize, which makes this case so fascinating. He shared no remorse, and he never showed that he looked at his part in what he created. This woman did not even need to reach out to me because I was already feeling that this relationship was not real. This man just wanted to get to know me from the waist down.

Lying and other addictions often go hand in hand, such as sex, drama, shopping, drinking, or smoking. I’m sending Mr. Fascinating a lot of love and healing, and I look forward to moving on to Mr. Honestly Right!

I’m sharing this story because sometimes situations like this can create such confusion and hurt. Listen carefully to your partner. When people show you who they are, believe them! Look at their actions, and believe those too. Do not ignore any red flags. Protect your heart. Do the ninety days of detox and reflection. Clear out all this fascinating behavior. Move on and start again.

Deborah Driggs

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