Not everyone will like you. I know, right? It is true though. Not everyone will be your fan. You will not be for everyone. Guess what? It’s okay. Move on—next!
Likability is not the antidote for loneliness. You will feel completely drained and overwhelmed trying to find comfort in people, places, or things. My blog post “Practice Being Alone” talks about this. I don’t know about you, but I feel lonelier when trying to win the affections of others. Mainly because it’s not about them; it is about me.
I ask myself, “Who am I when I am bending over backward to win the affections of this person?” Even worse is when I try to fit into the mold of what people think I should be. It is draining writing this, and I am sure you are feeling uneasy reading it. We all, at some point in our lives, have tried to fit into an idea of what we thought we should be. And that is like trying to put a square peg in a round hole. It doesn’t fit. We need to be who we were meant to be.
We are all flawed and must learn to accept our flaws. Let’s also accept that not everyone will like our flaws. Those who don’t are not our people. Focus on the people who love you and all your flaws. Many times throughout my life, I have contorted myself to fit into a situation that was absolutely not right for me. My body knew it for sure! I have also made the mistake of attaching my self-worth to someone or something that later would mean nothing to me. All that time and energy and heartbreak wasted.
My self-worth is dependent on what I do and how I live my life. It is none of my business what anyone thinks of me. I cannot dwell on that anymore; it just doesn’t serve me. I have haters. I used to focus on that but not anymore. I focus on my fans, the people in my life who cheer me on!
Stop blocking people! We live in a time when if you do not like someone or something, you block them or it. Do not block people. If you feel the need to block someone just because you do not like him or her, you should reconsider and try to learn from that person. That person, believe it or not, has something valuable to teach you.
Someone once said, “Don’t block your haters. Leave one or two so they can report back to headquarters!”
I understand blocking for security reasons. But if you are blocking because you do not like someone or you feel jealous of the person, tackle that head-on. You might find that there is something within yourself you need to look at. You might just be blocking a mirror.
Likability is doing the right thing and being true to ourselves. I live my life in a way that makes my likability points go up. The good news for me is that I get to decide what that looks like. No more trying to fit into a certain group or way of living. I get to decide how my life looks and it is such a relief. My beliefs are that of someone who marches to her own beat. I question everything. I try very hard to evaluate both sides without picking one. No more jumping on bandwagons. Today, I work as a leader.
To build a business, you have to stay open to hearing many ideas and points of views. There is more than one way. Some of the best entrepreneurs I know think so far out of the box it scares people around them. To be a true leader, you have to be willing to stand alone sometimes. I have a friend who has this brilliant way of really listening and pausing. I laugh writing this because he thinks deeply and sometimes his reaction comes days later. He is a true artist and beyond confident. He exemplifies the qualities of a leader with his listening and pausing skill. He hardly ever has a hasty reaction or the need to prove any point. That is a skill to model.
The need to prove a point is not a likable quality. Whenever someone is trying to prove a point to me, I know immediately, 99 percent of the time, that he or she is trying to convince himself or herself. When people feel so strongly about something and cannot hear any other point of view, that’s a danger zone and they are likely to be stuck in outdated beliefs.
Our likability points go up when we can really hear other people’s views and pause before speaking about ours. What if we’re wrong about our beliefs? What if? I know I have said this before, but this is exactly why I have turned off the news and all its doom and gloom. I cannot let the news dictate or control my thoughts.
I have someone in my life who is addicted to the news and has it on 24/7. Imagine all that distraction going into your subconscious. If you watch too much news, it eventually starts forming an opinion for you. You lose the ability to remain open to any other viewpoint. We are seeing this play out quite a bit these days. All of a sudden, it has become so red and so blue, so far right and so far left. It feels like our likability is based on what we believe in.
Today, acceptance is the answer. I stay open to all possibilities and I remain curious. I do not have all the answers, and I am quite sure that in my fifty-eight years I have not met anyone who does. Likability should not be based only on what side we are on. I have many friends and relatives on both sides of the fence and I appreciate all for their points of view. It is not serving you to not like someone based on something you read. Get curious. Remember the go-to question: “Is this true?” I swear, a lot of disagreements could be avoided by asking that simple question. “Is this true?” combined with “How do you know?” That one usually stops people in their tracks. When I say, “How do you know?” they usually do not have an answer for me. Then I know it is just a belief.
Improve Your Likability
Nothing in this life is set in stone. Thank goodness! Likability is having qualities that result in a favorable opinion. When we think someone likes us, we like them back. What makes a person really likable is not being too serious. People gravitate toward passionate people, not serious people. Likable people have a balance in their lives.
Here are ten ways to become likable:
- Practice active listening.
- Let the person you’re meeting speak first.
- Put away your phone and give the person your full attention.
- Be fun.
- Use positive body language.
- Be genuine.
- Never speak poorly of anyone.
- Remember names.
- Stay humble.
Being likable doesn’t take luck; it takes practice and awareness. Being likable is under your control and part of emotional intelligence. Some absolutely gorgeous humans are not that likable. Consider that.
A study done at UCLA showed that the top adjectives used to describe likable people were sincere and transparent.
Remember above all that your haters are dealing with something internal. It usually has nothing to do with you.