Practice Being Alone
For me, practicing being alone is probably the most important thing I do. Research shows that people who do not mind being alone are unafraid of being single. They are also more open-minded. People who do not practice being alone will feel tremendous anxiety and sadness when single. I am a mixture of both. When I am in a good space and life is going well, being alone is definitely a lot easier. It’s much harder to be by myself when things are difficult. This is where the practice comes in.
My Journey toward Being Alone
In a previous blog post, I shared about a time when I woke up in the middle of the night riddled with fear and anxiety. When that happened it became clear that I needed to do my program, Deb’s Program. That’s also when I created Deb’s Den so that others who were also suffering would know they are not alone. People who do not mind being alone are genuinely happy. That makes sense. But what about people who are not happy, those who are struggling? For them—and me—practicing being alone is a challenge.
My journey started in November 2020. I would wake up every night scared and anxious. My mind would go to all the worst-case scenarios. One night, though, I stopped, turned on the light, and said, “Enough. I am going to learn how to be alone and happy about it!” While this revelation may sound funny now, when I was in the thick of a mental spiral, finding the humor wasn’t easy. In fact, every fear possible was going through my head constantly: financial insecurities, relationship issues, spiritual concerns, family issues, and—worst of all—the past. Do these worries sound familiar?
How Long Should I Practice Being Alone?
After I decided to practice being along, it took me three to six months to bond with myself, find peace, and have more self-love. Partway through, I realized this definitely takes practice. This mental exercise strengthens the “muscles” that might not get used when we have so many distractions and stimulation. Our bodies can take only so much outside noise. I’ve found that I can also experience an overwhelming feeling of loneliness when among a lot of people.
I had three babies back to back. They are each a year apart, so you can imagine I never had much time alone while I was raising them. Looking back, I miss that time. While I was in it, I would get overwhelmed. Now I can’t wait to have grandchildren. By recognizing these patterns and cycles of our thoughts and desires, we can see that the present is often not as bad as we think it is. Someday we could look back fondly on that time.
How to Practice Being Alone
Turn being alone into a positive. You can do this in lots of different ways:
- Find your peace and quiet.
- Give yourself more energy.
- Create your space.
- Do the things you like to do.
- Use your space for deep thinking.
- Know that the work will improve.
- Set aside the drama.
- Become emotionally independent.
- Open your heart center.
- Feel content.
Listing the positives will help when the anxious feelings happen. Finish this sentence: “I like being alone because…” Write it all down. If you can, create a space to do a three- to six-month energy cleanse where you spend time with you. I believe you will find a lot of healing, less pressure, and more guidance from yourself by figuring out what your body actually needs.
Breakups can be the hardest time to do this—and the most beneficial time. You can use this time to go back and figure out what did not work. Cleanse that energy for at least ninety days to be open and receptive to new energy.
Practicing Being Alone Is So Hard—but So Worth It!
Some will not want to practice being alone. I get it. Removing myself completely from my previous life was the hardest thing I have done. I took a deep and closer look at what was going on. I would sit in silence. Crying was a big part of this process. Through that, I released all the energy and trauma from my past.
This practice requires a system and routine. Every day I woke up and did pretty much the same thing to learn how to be consistent. I took travel off the table. I only took trips that were required for work. Since November 2020, I have gotten on a plane twice. I even took myself on dates. I went to a double feature, eating tons of popcorn, because that is what I like to do!
My routine was based around the fear of being alone. Personally, I do not think this topic is discussed enough. A lot of issues come out of loneliness and the fear of being alone, but it can be misdiagnosed as something else.
Nothing is lost when you are alone. Have a routine you can be consistent with but nothing too challenging. Be easy on yourself. Meditate or sit quietly. Write. Practice forgiveness during this time you have given yourself. Become aware. The most important investment you can make is in yourself. Place your hands on your heart and breathe in all the abundance available to you. Being alone can be a gift—a time for learning and growing.
