I was at a lunch recently where the person I was with kept taking calls and looking at their phone. I started to take this personally, as most people would. I began thinking that this has become a normal way of life. It has become acceptable to be distracted and not present.

Asking For Presence

I kindly said to this person, “I think we should reschedule. You seem to be busy, and this is making me feel uncomfortable.” I said it matter-of-factly because in truth I wasn’t upset. But I also did not want to sit for another hour with this distraction. I am aware of my time and how precious it is to me right now on this journey I have embarked on. Being around this distraction felt incongruent with where I am today.

Of course, this person was very apologetic and amped up on whatever was going on in that device they kept looking or glancing at. This reminded me of the immersive program I was in a few months ago where we had our phones taken and all we had was each other’s presence. I began to feel sorry and sad because there is a whole generation that will not know what it feels like to be without a device.

Practicing Presence

Whenever something disrupts me now, I try to find a way to use it in my recovery process and awareness. I even added it to my vision board, writing, “From now on, when I am asked to lunch or a meeting, I will turn off my phone during that time.” Guess what? It was not easy. These days I’m either on Zoom for my meetings, appearing virtually as a guest on podcasts, or attending webinars online. I have to practice turning off my device and staying present to whatever the task is in front of me.

It is amazing what a powerful distraction technology is! I ended up staying at that lunch. We laughed and had a whole conversation about the world we live in today and had a great connection about it. We both agreed that the best gift you can give anyone these days is your presence. We are all definitely lacking it. I think more than ever people are craving deeper connections, conversations, compatibility, and fewer devices. It is so easy to create and get caught up in our own little worlds on those devices we carry around in our purses or pockets. They have become our ride-or-die sidekick and a total addiction.

Back In The Day!

When I was nineteen, I used to work as a flight attendant for American Airlines. One aspect that still stands out to me to this day was observing and connecting with people from all over the United States. I had not traveled much until I became a flight attendant, and all of a sudden I was learning about different states and the various cultures in each of those states. I would walk through an airport and connect with people. We looked each other in the eyes and said hello, and people would stop me and ask me questions. I have great memories of those times.

Even dating back then was so different. Men actually called me and asked me out on a date. They’d pick me up, and there was no device intercepting the conversations—no emoji or hearts. We had to speak and communicate. And most importantly, we had to be present with each other. I know, I know—we live in a very different time. I feel myself sounding like my parents and grandparents when they would talk about the good old days and I would be dumbfounded.

Try It Out!

For me it is a catch-22: I love being present and connecting, but I also love the advantages of the device world. The next time you have a lunch or dinner date or meeting, turn off your device and practice being present. I say practice because I think a lot of people have forgotten what it is like to be present without a device. I promise there is nothing you will miss out on and that business can wait until after your lunch meeting. It will possibly be the best meal or meeting you have ever had! Give people the gift of being present.

Try going one step further: pick up the phone every once in a while and call someone instead of texting. It is such a beautiful surprise these days when the phone rings! I do not know about you, but I have gotten completely bored with texting and the distraction it brings. One of my favorite texts to get says, “Can you talk?” The answer is yes, I can talk! You don’t even have to ask; you can just call and leave a message.

And I do not think people who are dating and looking for their soulmates can find them through a device. If someone is constantly texting you about a date, ask him or her very kindly, “Do you not like the sound of my voice?” Hopefully, the hint is received!

Presence is love; it turns the people in your life into blossoming flowers. It is a fulfilling connection. Presence is everything.

And be present with yourself! That is a great start. Give that gift to yourself, and it will be easier to give to others.