August 29

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What’s Important?

It used to drive me insane when people would tell me to “let it go.” Really? That’s it? Just let it go? Okay, done—not!

Here is my experience of letting go: I have a much easier time letting go of things or items. For example, I was on a commercial shoot and I left my favorite blazer there. It was my all-time favorite because I had found it in New York. At one of those basement stores where you get secondhand designer clothes. It was a Dolce & Gabbana beige velvet blazer, and I wore it all the time. Normally it would cost close to $2,000 but I got it for only $120!

I had forgotten it because that day I had taken with me lots of different choices of clothing, and I did not notice it was missing until days later. When I called my agent and asked if they could find out if anyone had found it, I got nowhere! I was so upset. And I wasn’t even sure exactly where I had left it, which made it harder for anyone to track it down. In that case, I had to let it go. But to this day, every once in a while, my mind will return to this blazer that I loved and try again to figure out where I left it! Funny how our minds work.

Let it go

Relationships End, They Just Do

With items or things, I can move on easily. I put some initial effort into finding the item, but if that doesn’t work, then I just realize that I wasn’t meant to find it, and I move on. However, with relationships, it is just the opposite. I find it hard to let it go, especially if, in my heart, I feel that it is not over. Even if I know that the other person has moved on, I am not yet ready to do so. This is a struggle when I have bonded with someone. We have developed a kind of best-friend relationship where we pal around. Those are the hardest to let go of. It is a double whammy: loss of the relationship and loss of the best friend.

Codependent Anyone?

I am slightly codependent, and while I do not want to put labels on anything, in my case, I do admit to being this. What this means is that I have to work a little harder to let go. Ugh! I wish I was like some of my friends who have literally said to me, “Move on, he is not worth it.”

I wonder how they can move on so easily? And then it hits me: we all get over things differently. I can let go of things, items, and places so easily. I might have some moments where I need more time. For the most part, I can move on pretty quickly. While some of my friends get emotionally attached to their stuff. They cannot get rid of a pair of running shorts from college, but when it comes to a person, done! Everyone has a different process.

Self-Care

Ending a relationship can be so hard because if you get to a place where you are comfortable, you start imagining your life with this person, and then it is really hard to let it go. Unfortunately, nothing will bring me to my knees quicker than ending a relationship that I really want to be in.

Here is the lesson, or even better, the solution: self-care. Yes, it’s all about self-care, and this goes for both sides. At the end of the day, it really does not matter who ended a relationship. What matters is getting into self-care and trusting the process. If the relationship is not worth it, you will know pretty quickly. By the actions of the person who left, because they are intimate immediately with someone else. If that happens, guess what? It is not worth it to keep holding on to hope. It will just continue to hurt. There’s no way around that.

Let it go

Let it Go

Cut off all contact with that person for a while, at least thirty to ninety days. This will be hard for most people, but this is about you and your healing, and that is why it is part of your required self-care.

Accept—yes, accept—that it is out of your control. End of story. If it is out of your control, then again, focus on your self-care. Lean on friends and family, get your people around you, and really appreciate their guidance. We all have been through this situation, one time or another. Remember, you have been on both sides, too, haven’t you?

Forgiveness Is The Answer

Start focusing a lot on forgiveness because I promise you are not perfect and you have been on both sides. You have been the person who wanted out and moved on. And if you haven’t yet, at some time in your life you might experience those feelings.

Now I say “let it go” just for today. Just breathe and know the universe has your back, and I do really believe that if something is meant to be, it will find a way to happen.

Here’s a song I love when I have a hard time letting go: “Meant to Be” by Bebe Rexha featuring Florida Georgia Line.

Debsxo

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About the author

From her start as a Playboy Centerfold and Covergirl to her life as a Screen Actors’ Guild member and later, achieving the Top 5% in her industry as a member of the Million Dollar Roundtable, Deborah Driggs has had to clear many hurdles in life. While it may seem like Deborah’s success came easy to her, nothing could be further from the truth. Rather, she has had to overcome a number of challenges in life to get to where she is today. What is true - and a part of her character - is her willingness to take risks, maintain a positive attitude, and never take ‘No’ for an answer.

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