Little Debbie
What would you tell your younger self? What top ten pieces of advice would you give the twenty-year-old you? What would you do differently knowing what you know now? These are popular questions that circulate on social media, and I have heard some fascinating answers. Since I am trapped at home today because the LA Marathon is taking place on the surrounding streets, it’s a perfect day to answer these questions.
Looking Back on Little Debbie
I recently turned sixty, beginning a new decade of life. Reflecting is good when you are at a new beginning. I feel grateful and fortunate to enter my sixties in good physical health. I have spent the last few months thinking about this post and what I would tell Little Debbie, the younger me. I would wrap my arms around her and hold her and tell her she will need lots of hugs throughout her life and that it is okay to ask for help.
As a child, I was extremely independent. I believe the adults around me were proud of this, but in reality, I was just surviving. I was doing whatever it took to not cause any problems in my environment. The adults around me survived but did not thrive. I never wanted to be a burden to them so I played the “good girl” role: I went to school, got good grades, kept my room clean, was on time, and, being a talented ice skater, was an athlete in the making. From the outside, Little Debbie seemed okay. Sound familiar to any of my fellow perfectionists out there?
I never got rewarded for any of this—no pat on the back and, worse, never a hug. So I rebelled. I quit skating and started ditching school and experimenting with drugs. I became a problem child with no adult supervision. (Don’t worry—I survived this period.)
I share this because it helps make sense of what I would tell my younger self or do differently. Instead of the cliché answers given on TikTok, I have meaningful answers to these very hard questions.
Looking after Little Debbie
The first thing I would tell Little Debbie is this: “Do not take anything personally.” This is a rule I practice in my daily life because I do not know what anyone is going through. My parents were not well-adjusted human beings; they were sad, angry, bitter, struggling, and working hard to survive. I rarely saw my parents smile. My father was happy when he had a beer and a cigarette, which of course led me to believe that “Miller time” is what makes people happy. My mom was very shut down and emotionless. My younger self had no clue why or any tools to deal with what was going on in my environment.
Family get-togethers were a complete mess with all those dynamics showing up in one house. The drinking would start, the arguments would break out, and then no one would speak to anyone for months. This pattern still repeats itself today.
So I would tell Little Debbie that we are okay and we have got this. I am the protector of that little girl now more than ever. She has a spirit that got shut down, so now I like to be childlike with wonder and curiosity.
The second thing I would tell Little Debbie is this: “You cannot control anyone but yourself.” We are all here on our own journeys. To think that I have the answer for anyone but myself is nothing but ego. I don’t have any idea what is right for your mind, body, and soul. Only you do.
The third thing I would tell Little Debbie is this: “Love yourself. Love every part of you. Love your uniqueness.” When I wake up, I say, “I love you, Debbie” and name five things I love about myself. I tell myself what I am proud of. When you have a solid foundation of self-love, criticism becomes just something to be fascinated by, and you can use it to do some introspective work on whether a change is needed.
Not-So-Little Debbie’s Tips for Your Twenties
As for what I would have done differently in my twenties, here’s a list of advice I wish I could’ve given my younger self:
- Have a morning routine. In your twenties, everything is kind of a free-for-all. Having a morning routine based on good habits will start your day off right.
- Choose your friends wisely. Be careful about whom you spend most of your time with because you become just like them. Breaking up with friend groups and seeking out new environments is okay. Healthy, like-minded people hang out with other healthy, like-minded people. People who cheat, steal, or commit adultery usually attract more of the same into their lives.
- Do not eat processed foods. Educate yourself, and become your own doctor. Chronic diseases are rampant in our country.
- Travel a lot, and learn about other cultures. I waited until my fifties to really start exploring. Do this in your twenties.
- Exercise three times a week. This is for mental health and balance. Trust me, when you get to be sixty and start seeing a lot of your friends having knee, hip, shoulder, or back surgery, the importance of exercise and diet becomes clear. Of course, accidents cannot be prevented; I am talking here about chronic underlying issues that are never treated.
- Stay out of the sun. This has served me very well. I love being in the sun, but I wear a hat and sunscreen most of the time. I love my vitamin D, and I get a good dose of it each day with no sunscreen.
- Be realistic when choosing partners to be in relationships with. Pick partners based on who they really are, not on fantasies of who you think they might become.
- When you are wrong, admit it quickly. Let the other person know you were wrong and be genuine about how you feel.
- Let things go. I promise, whatever it is will not matter in the long run. Walking around with resentments will weigh you down and cause health problems. After my divorce, I got spinal meningitis. I was very ill and not by accident. I was experiencing trauma, which can cause health issues. The good news: it was about this time in my life when I discovered We Care and made that a yearly ritual.
- When people show or tell you who they really are, believe them. Eight billion people live on this planet; if one person does you wrong, move on to the other billions. Stop obsessing over one person. Learn that lesson more quickly.
There you have it: my top ten pieces of advice for my twenty-year-old self. Here is some bonus advice: leave people feeling great about themselves; never wear another human being down.
I would love to hear from you on Instagram. Let me know in the comments what you would tell your younger self, or tag me in your stories. Let’s spread positivity on social media!
