Love Bubble
Do you have a friend who is going through a breakup? Is she or he in a “love bubble,” meaning everything is about the breakup? Some things probably should not be said to someone who’s in a love bubble. The grieving process takes however long it takes. I know, I know: you’re tired of hearing about the breakup. I get it. Here are a few tips for helping a friend who’s going through a breakup:
- Listen to your friend vent.
- Do not interrupt.
- Do not try to have all the answers.
- Do not use clichés (e.g., “Maybe it was for the best”).
- Do not put a time limit on the person’s grieving process.
Let her or him reminisce about the old relationship. Ask a lot of questions, such as “What was your favorite thing to do together?” Get curious about your friend’s relationship to help her or him positively go through this grieving process. Avoid saying things such as “She wasn’t worth your time” or “You’re too good for him.” Stay positive. Every story has two sides; your job is to focus on your friend’s side.
Listen, listen, listen. People who are grieving need to be heard. Even when we do not like a friend’s partner or we know the breakup is probably for the best, the person is still experiencing grief. Really listen, because there could be some love addiction and codependence going on that you might not be aware of. If there is, it will be even harder for this person to go through this breakup. Breakups are hard—even harder if there are addiction or attachment issues too. Be gentle.
Stay Positive
Just listen and be there for your friend. We are all going to go through a breakup at some point in our lives. When I have ended a relationship, the last thing I want to hear is “You can do better” or “He wasn’t that great.” Such negativity can cause resentment. Why? When I am grieving, down on my knees in total heartbreak, you want to tell me that I do not know what I am doing? Hello!
You’re not helping people when they are sad by telling them, “I never liked him; he wasn’t good enough for you!” This does not help. I know you think you’re helping and have their best interests at heart, but negativity isn’t helpful.
If you feel the need to say something, don’t make it about the person your friend is breaking up with. Generic thoughts such as “There is a whole world out there and I know the universe has your back” and “Take time for yourself”
are so much more helpful because you are not judging or using the opportunity to say how you felt about your friend’s choice of a partner.
And what if they end up getting back together? If you say something negative, you might lose a really good friend. So be gentle. Be a guide. Think about what you might need in a similar situation and provide that. Bring your friend some bath salts and say, “Enjoy some you time!”
Popping a Love Bubble
When people are in a love bubble, they are really in it. You cannot pop the bubble for them; only they can do it. They will get out eventually, but it takes time and healing.
Refrain from judging the person who has broken your friend’s heart. Be present. Get your friend moving by taking her or him on a good hike or walk; moving our bodies always helps. Call your friend at night—always the hardest time after a breakup.
My last breakup was so tough. I was certainly sad. Bedtime was the hardest. I felt like there was a neon sign flashing, “You are alone! You are alone!” over and over. I really appreciated when people just held space for me. Our hearts are sacred and need protecting, so when you are in a love bubble, protect your heart space and try to remember that while your heart might be sad, it will never be broken.
Be Gentle
Emotional pain is real. We need a sounding board for discussing our pain so we don’t actually get sick. Love sickness is real, so I’ll say it again: be gentle. There might be resentment on your part, so be careful. When our friends are in their love bubbles, we can feel left out, then when they are in breakup pain and out of the bubble, we might think, “Oh, now they need me?” Yes, they do!
We have all been in a bubble, be it for love, work, marriage, or growing a business. Whatever bubble we are in, we will still go through emotional pain and we will still need a sounding board. Wait until your friend is out of her or his love bubble to express your feelings; don’t do it when your friend is in pain. Timing is everything.
Love is grand and makes people do crazy things. We have all been in a love bubble. Remember that the next time someone needs your shoulder to cry on.
