June 20

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We Don’t Have All The Answers

Getting curious is by far one of the hardest things to do, especially as a mom. Instead of having all the answers and trying to solve my kids’ problems, I work really hard at getting curious. It can annoy me when someone tries to give me advice or tells me how something should be done, and they usually do it in a way that is judging.

Get Curious

No Judgment Here

First, when we are judging others, we cannot help them! Hear me again, this is very important. When we are judging, we cannot help anyone. I know from personal experience that taking advice from anyone who is not living the life I want is a mistake.

I did this. I took the advice and or listened to certain people in my life even though I never wanted what they had and I didn’t want their life.

Be careful who you are listening to or going to for advice. Ask yourself: Is this person living the life that I want? Do I respect their decisions? Their lifestyle?

Get Curious With Your Tribe

Get Curious

This is a tricky line. It gets really ugly when a group of married women get together and bash their husbands. I have been at those lunches and felt very uncomfortable. Why? Because I did that. I cannot write about something and have such strong feelings about something unless I have made the same mistake, right? I have had first-hand experience in what not to do.

Getting curious is one of the hardest things to do, and it is one of the best ways to build rapport with someone. For example, if my kids come to me and express something today, I ask them a ton of questions—not just one but many. First, I acknowledge whatever they are going through, and if I have not had that experience I say, “I am sorry. I have not had that experience.”

How many times have we given advice while pretending we know how it feels? I ask all sorts of questions and usually end with something to the effect of “What do you think you should do now?”

Hard Lessons

I am no expert. I have made many mistakes, and this lesson can be very hard because this is life, people mess up, and sometimes they mess up really bad. But if we are judging them, we cannot help them. And the whole point is to help anyone who is suffering.

Just remember when someone has a very strong opinion about something, they are usually judging and have a lot of insecurity. Get curious and ask, “Why do you feel that way?” and “What brought you to that conclusion?”

Practice asking questions every day so that when the real shit hits the fan, you are prepared, and it will be in you to get curious!

I feel so grateful that I am able to admit when I am wrong and immediately say it: “I was wrong about that, I lied about that because I did not want to hurt your feelings, I would like to make that right now.”

 

If it is something really big, and an apology will not cut it, I write a letter or I journal about it. And guess what? I even get curious about myself. Guess who I judge the most? Yes, me!

So get curious about yourself. Ask yourself, “What is it about this situation that is upsetting me?”

Get Curious

Getting curious will save a lot of time. Remember, we do not have all the answers—none of us do, but we are all hopefully growing and learning. Curiosity did not kill the cat, it saved the cat!

 

Debsxo

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About the author

From her start as a Playboy Centerfold and Covergirl to her life as a Screen Actors’ Guild member and later, achieving the Top 5% in her industry as a member of the Million Dollar Roundtable, Deborah Driggs has had to clear many hurdles in life. While it may seem like Deborah’s success came easy to her, nothing could be further from the truth. Rather, she has had to overcome a number of challenges in life to get to where she is today. What is true - and a part of her character - is her willingness to take risks, maintain a positive attitude, and never take ‘No’ for an answer.

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