We Don’t Have All The Answers
Getting curious is by far one of the hardest things to do, especially as a mom. Instead of having all the answers and trying to solve my kids’ problems, I work really hard at getting curious. It can annoy me when someone tries to give me advice or tells me how something should be done, and they usually do it in a way that is judging.
No Judgment Here
First, when we are judging others, we cannot help them! Hear me again, this is very important. When we are judging, we cannot help anyone. From my personal experience that taking advice from anyone who is not living the life I want is a mistake.
I took the advice and or listened to certain people in my life even though I never wanted what they had and I didn’t want their life.
Be careful who you are listening to or going to for advice. Ask yourself: Is this person living the life that I want? Do I respect their decisions? Their lifestyle?
Get Curious With Your Tribe
This is a tricky line. It gets really ugly when a group of married women get together and bash their husbands. I have been at those lunches and felt very uncomfortable. Why? Because I did that. I cannot write about something and have such strong feelings about something unless I have made the same mistake, right? I have had first-hand experience in what not to do.
Getting curious is one of the hardest things to do, and it is one of the best ways to build rapport with someone. For example, if my kids come to me and express something today, I ask them a ton of questions—not just one but many. First, I acknowledge whatever they are going through, and if I have not had that experience I say, “I am sorry. I have not had that experience.”
How many times have we given advice while pretending we know how it feels? Asking questions will usually end with something to the effect of “What do you think you should do now?”
Mistakes and lessons can be very hard because this is life, people mess up, sometimes they mess up really bad. But if we are judging them, we cannot help them. And the whole point is to help anyone who is suffering.
Just remember when someone has a very strong opinion about something, they are usually judging and have a lot of insecurity. Get curious and ask, “Why do you feel that way?” and “What brought you to that conclusion?”
Practice asking questions every day so that when the real shit hits the fan, you are prepared, and it will be in you to get curious!
I feel so grateful that I am able to admit when I am wrong and immediately say it: “I was wrong about that, I lied about that because I did not want to hurt your feelings, I would like to make that right now.”
If it is something really big, and an apology will not cut it, I write a letter or I journal about it. And guess what? I even get curious about myself. Guess who I judge the most? Yes, me!
So get curious about yourself. Ask yourself, “What is it about this situation that is upsetting me?”
Getting curious will save a lot of time. Remember, we do not have all the answers—none of us do, but we are all hopefully growing and learning. Curiosity did not kill the cat, it saved the cat!